Yesterday marked one week in this new city I call home. It’s been a strange experience thus far, speaking from an emotional standpoint. I’ve already hit a wall of loneliness and boredom only to exchange that feeling with excitement and wonder in the drop of a hat. My sentiments have fluctuated in this short time to say the least but I know at the end of the day that I made the right decision.
I would be lying to you if I said that moving to Austin wasn’t in some way a chance for me to “run”. However, I wouldn’t say that I am running from much. It’s more so the idea that life can throw some shit at you and say: OK what’s your next move? And you can run from it or run with it. And I would like to consider my move to Austin my chance to run with it.
I think we all have the urge to try new things and go new places. It’s what makes us grow and it is what teaches us when the books can no longer do just that. So I said to myself, if nothing is stopping you then why not go now?
Back to where I started — I have been here for a week. In this past week I have watched approximately ten new movies, have listened to albums that have been collecting dust in the corner, and have done some actual exploring. I’ve had a job interview as well as have applied to many jobs and I am beyond stoked about it all. And most importantly, I have written a lot — the most important one of them all.
I typically tell my friends the same thing when they have come to me with the question of what constitutes a decision as being selfish. And I have exhausted this topic on here as well, I am sure of it. But I am going to reiterate it anyway just so it really sticks.
This life — your life, is your story. No one can tell you otherwise. No one is going to make the memories for you, you have to make them yourself. There is something that is terrifying about moving away from your comfort zone knowing that loneliness will be your friend until it finds better company. But doing it anyways is what is going to help you write this story.
I told my dad when I was explaining my plans to him – more so trying to convince him if anything – that I wanted to be able have something to tell later on. That this, where I was in the moment wasn’t where I belonged right then. I told him, I’ll come back but not before I have something to share. Not before I have created several little anecdotes to last me a lifetime. I’m not ready to settle, so please don’t make me. He said, “alright, so when ya goin?”.
And here I am — sitting on my couch writing about it to try and grasp it all. I am partially writing this to let you know what I am doing, just in case you give a damn. But I am also writing this for myself — to check myself. Joan Didion said it best when she said — “I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”
So maybe this isn’t for you, maybe this is just for me. But if you take anything away from this – let it be that you owe it to yourself to just get up and go.
Now I gotta go and do some shit, until next time.