Go figure. I can’t just turn 21 and be satisfied. I HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT ITS UNDERLYING MEANING TO MY LIFE. Gosh what is wrong with me? I am just too damn sentimental.
I cant help but feel like my life is about to change dramatically. Yesterday I was told that once Wednesday rolls around I will no longer be growing up, I will be growing old. I’m only turning 21, is that true? I mean until yesterday I was so excited and impatient and jumpy and all the awkward things I could possibly be. I didn’t mind intruding on someone else’s conversation just to let them know that hey I am about to be cool too. It would go a little something like this:
Random Stranger: “Hey Joan, did you see that movie 22 Jump Street?”
Me: “Mhm, did you say 22…because I am turning 21…in a few days….Oo this is awkward…you’re not my…uhm i’m not Joan…ok bye”
Random Stranger & Random Joan: *Blank Stares*
SO this was basically me up until yesterday. Don’t get me wrong though, I am still excited. But if you know me, you know that I over think everything. This included. I started to think about how excited I was when I turned 15 and got my permit. I remember like it was yesterday. I had lunch with my sweet grandma, our last birthday together, and I got to drive my mom all over town. I WAS A DRIVIN MANIAC. Then after two weeks of supervised driving, I started the countdown for the freedom that came with turning 16. NO PARENTAL GUIDANCE. Heck yes. Bye back seat driver mom, I am so grown up. (snap). I remember these days so vividly. I got steve-o the stang two weeks before I turned sixteen and then boom. I was a licensed driver. Commence freedom and days of being like “bye mom going to pick up my friends and drive to McDonalds for no absolute reason”. Even though I just ate dinner, I did it because I could.
The liberated driving phase lasted all of junior year and I was pretty excited to turn 17 BUT….18 was right around the corner and I couldn’t wait to be a legal adult. I hardly remember 17 because I thought it was just a stepping stone. The same way I saw 19 and 20. Hitting those ages were pit stops, I thought I had accomplished something, that I was maturing and smarter than the year before. And now here I am, about to turn 21. I can legally drink and never worry about being rejected at the door of a bar on sixth street. Again. And then what? is it all down hill from there?
What will it mean to turn 25? Will it just be another year of me getting older or will I still be growing up and figuring things out?
In my case, I hope I am still growing up and not thinking about getting old. I want to know more, mature me, experience more in the next four years. I want to constantly be “growing up”. I don’t mind breaking down and falling a part and then picking my self up and learning. I want to be smarter and better at 26 then I was at 25. I want to look forward to my future birthdays as accomplishments. “Congrats Ash, you still haven’t royally screwed up your life with your communication degree, keep pushing through”. I want this goal for the rest of my life. So after turning 21, what’s next? I’ll tell you. FEELIN 22, that’s what. And when that day comes, I hope I have gained more knowledge and have grown up a little. Just not all the way.
Thanks for reading. Or Skimming.
See ya soon.